(no subject)

JFC I'm having an alright day, and then I get to work and my energy just plummets. I'm dizzy and I can't really walk in a straight line. Now I'm at home and I'm just so damn sad. I'm paralyzed. I can't write. I know what I want to say but don't know how to say it.

(no subject)

I don't know if I'm clinically depressed, or out of ideas, or lazy...but my worst fear is coming to pass.

I'm losing the passion for my dreams. And now I have no idea what to do with myself. If anything.

(no subject)

I have this semi-conscious self-belief that I don't deserve good things or to be happy and when good things happen to me and I am happy, they will be taken away from me or should be taken away from me.

I'll find a way to make this apartment work, even if I'm caught renting out the spare room as an Airbnb a few days a month. I doubt I'll get caught but knock on wood, who knows. I can either pick up a couple more days at my second job (the work is 2-3 hours a day) or find a housemate. The latter is more attractive: if they pay me off the books I don't pay taxes on them, unlike Airbnb, and requires little more work on my part. But. I'll be bothered more often. The second job means 1 or 2 more days I have to work to walk to his place and possibly put up with my boss's weird moods, including one day where I doubledip and work at my other job too.

Quotes for November 2

It’s not your life, it’s life. Life is bigger than you. Life isn’t something that you possess, it’s something that you take part in and you witness.
— Louis C.K.

I wondered why it was that places are so much lovelier when one is alone.
— Daphne du Maurier

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.
— Douglas Coupland

You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.
— Jonathan Safran Foer

Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.
— Don Miguel Ruiz

Happiness in this world, when it comes, comes incidentally. Make it the object of pursuit, and it leads us a wild-goose chase, and is never attained. Follow some other object, and very possibly we may find that we have caught happiness without dreaming of it.
— Nathaniel Hawthorne

Find what you’re afraid of most and go live there.
— Chuck Palahniuk

I bet you could sometimes find all the mysteries of the universe in someone’s hand.
— Benjamin Alire Sáenz

Maybe none of us really understand what we’ve lived through, or feel we’ve had enough time.
— Kazuo Ishiguro

Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.
— Jodi Picoult

Learn how to see. Realize that everything connects to everything else.
— Leonardo da Vinci

Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again.
— Vladimir Nabokov

Let my enemies devour each other.
— Salvador Dali

The most exhausting thing in life, I have discovered, is being insincere. That is why so much of social life is exhausting; one is wearing a mask.
— Anne Morrow Lindberg

The competitor to be feared is one who never bothers about you at all, but goes on making his own business better all the time.
— Henry Ford

When you’re good at something, you’ll tell everyone. When you’re great at something, they’ll tell you.
— Walter Payton

So, what if, instead of thinking about solving your whole life, you just think about adding additional good things. One at a time. Just let your pile of good things grow.
— Rainbow Rowell

Live the full life of the mind, exhilarated by new ideas, intoxicated by the romance of the unusual.
— Ernest Hemingway

People don’t notice whether it’s winter or summer when they’re happy.
— Anton Chekhov

To control the breathing is to control the mind. With different patterns of breathing, you can fall in love, you can hate someone, you can feel the whole spectrum of feelings by changing your breathing.
— Marina Abramovic

A person should set his goals as early as he can and devote all his energy and talent to getting there. With enough effort, he may achieve it. Or he may find something that is even more rewarding. But in the end, no matter what the outcome, he will know he has been alive.
— Walt Disney

Quotes November

The more intelligent, the less sane.
— George Orwell

You will be stupid. You will worry your parents. You will question your own choices, your relationships, your jobs, your friends, where you live, what you studied in college, that you went to college at all… If that happens, you’re doing it right.
— Ira Glass

Something else is hurting you - that’s why you need pot or whiskey, or whips and rubber suits, or screaming music turned so fucking loud you can’t think.
— Charles Bukowski

What sordid misery there is in the condition of a man who works and in a civilization based on men who work.
— Albert Camus, Notebooks

Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.
— Marc Hack

Learning lessons is a little like reaching maturity. You’re not suddenly more happy, wealthy, or powerful - but you understand the world around you better, and you’re at peace with yourself. Learning life’s lessons is not about making your life perfect, but about seeing life as it was meant to be.
— Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I don’t owe people anything, and I don’t have to talk to them any more than I feel I need to.
— Ned Vizzini

You either like me or you don’t. It took me twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don’t have that kinda time to convince somebody else.
— Daniel Franzese

There are a few things in life so beautiful they hurt: swimming in the ocean while it rains, reading alone in empty libraries, the sea of stars that appear when you’re miles away from the neon lights of the city, bars after 2am, walking in the wilderness, all the phases of the moon, the things we do not know about the universe, and you.
— Beau Taplin

I am homesick for a place I am not sure even exists. One where my heart is full. My body loved. And my soul understood.
— Unknown

The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it’s as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.
— Terry Pratchett

You were hurt badly, and those scars will be with you for ever. I feel sorry for you, I really do. But think of it like this: it’s not too late to recover. You’re young, you’re tough. You’re adaptable. You can patch up your wounds, lift up your head and move on.
— Haruki Murakami

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.
— Henry David Thoreau

Not all love is gentle. Sometimes it’s gritty and dirty and possessive, sometimes it’s not supposed to be careful or soft at all. Sometimes it feels like teeth.
— Azra T.

Be a scar. Do not be ashamed of living through something.
— Nayyirah Waheed

I have insecurities of course, but I don’t hang out with anyone who points them out to me.
— Adele

Don’t be in such a hurry to condemn a person because he doesn’t do what you do, or think as you think. There was a time when you didn’t know what you know today.
— Malcolm X

Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?
— Mary Oliver

I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself.
— Anaïs Nin

Your limitations make you the wonderful disaster you most probably are.
— Nick Cave, qtd in 20,000 Days on Earth

But my favorite thing of all: I like you ‘cause you like me. I don’t know - I think that says a lot about how great you are as a person.
— Comet (2014)

All the gods, all the heavens, all the hells, are within you.
— Joseph Campbell

I would like damn well to hear your voice again.
— F. Scott Fitzgerald

There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled. There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled. You feel it, don’t you?
— Rumi

Quotes 11

Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.
— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

When you don’t manage your life well, you become angry and frustrated as things don’t go as intended, and our bad mood is a sign showing we were not able to resolve the conflict.
— Jorge Bucay

Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic.
— Frank Herbert

Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.
— Wayne W. Dyer

Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don’t know what work these conditions are doing inside you?
— Rainer Maria Rilke

Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.
— Robert Holden

Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.
— Cesar A. Cruz

Those who are able to see beyond the shadows and lies of their culture will never be understood, let alone believed, by the masses.
— Plato

Bertolt Brecht, “Motto”
This, then, is all. It’s not enough, I know.
At least I’m still alive, as you may see.
I’m like the man who took a brick to show
How beautiful this house used once to be.

I do believe there are things that we desire that are not in the cards. But more often than not, when people have a desire for a relationship and it’s not happening, there are probably issues to be resolved and issues people could work on that would ultimately end in that desire being fulfilled.
— Henry Cloud

If ever my life can be of any use to you, come and claim it.
— Anton Chekhov

What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Herein lies the key to your earthly pursuits.
— Carl Jung

Quotes 10

When my absence doesn’t alter your life, then my presence has no meaning in it.
— Unknown

Love is an attempt to change a piece of a dream world into reality.
— Theodor Reik

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
— Dalai Lama

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.
— Aristotle

People who believe they have the power to exercise some measure of control over their lives are healthier, more effective and more successful than those who lack faith in their ability to effect changes in their lives.
— Albert Bandura

Being taken for granted can be a compliment. It means that you’ve become a comfortable, trusted element in another person’s life.
— Joyce Brothers

A loser doesn’t know what he’ll do if he loses, but talks about what he’ll do if he wins, and a winner doesn’t talk about what he’ll do if he wins, but knows what he’ll do if he loses.
— Eric Berne

Nothing beautiful without struggle.

Plato, The Republic
original: “χαλεπὰ τὰ καλά” (Xalepa ta kala)

You ought first to learn the art of this-worldly consolation – you should learn to laugh, my young friends, if you are determined to remain pessimists; perhaps as laughers you will consign all metaphysical consolations to the devil – and metaphysics in front of all the rest!
— Nietzsche, “Attempt at Self-Criticism,” from The Birth of Tragedy

Struggle creates greatness.
— Expherience

People who are easily distracted tend to be more creative because their mind are constantly wandering.

Stop thinking that you have been wronged, and with it will go the feeling. Reject your sense of injury, and the injury itself disappears.
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations (via wordsnquotes)

Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”. Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others.

Timothy Leary

If you care about something enough, it’s going to make you cry. But you have to use it. Use your tears. Use your pain. Use your fear. Get mad.
— Sherman Alexie

When people say, ‘I’m the kind of person who,’ my heart always sinks.
These are formulas, we’ve all got about ten formulas about who we are, what we like, the kind of people we like, all that stuff. The disparity between these phrases and how one experiences oneself minute by minute is ludicrous.

It’s like the caption under a painting. You think, Well, yeah, I can see it’s called that. But you need to look at the picture.
— Adam Phillips, interviewed by Paul Holdengräber, featured in the Paris Review

You can’t calm the storm…so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.
— Timber Hawkeye

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
— Lao Tzu

He who fears he will suffer, already suffers because he fears.
— Michel De Montaigne

The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.
— John Muir

Practice isn’t the thing you do once you’re good. It’s the thing you do that makes you good.
— Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers: The Story of Success

What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.
— Pedro Arrupe

Quotes 9

May my heart be kind, my mind fierce, and my spirit brave.
— Kate Forsyth

Don’t compare your progress with that of others. We all need our own time to travel our own distance.
— Jerry Corstens

Smile, breathe and go slowly.
— Thich Nhat Hanh

One of the things psychologists used to say was that if you are depressed, anxious or angry, you couldn’t be happy. Those were at opposite ends of a continuum. I believe that you can be suffering or have a mental illness and be happy - just not in the same moment that you’re sad.
— Martin Seligman

Love is many things, none of them logical.
— William Goldman

I will live for love and the rest will take care of itself.
— Marina Keegan

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.
— Anna Freud

I want enough time to be in love with everything.
— Marina Keegan

But the heart has its own memory and I have forgotten nothing.
— Albert Camus

They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.
— Tom Bodett

The desire to reach for the stars is ambitious. The desire to reach hearts is wise.
— Maya Angelou

You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.
— Joel Osteen

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.
— Og Mandino

Music makes things hurt less.
— Tyler Joseph

Live to the point of tears.
— Albert Camus

Words don’t hurt you. Which is one of the hugest criminal lies perpetrated by adults against children in this world. Because words hurt more than any physical pain.
— Neal Shusterman

The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.
— Chuck Palahniuk

My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me.
— Steve Maraboli

But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.
— Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

Our current mental-hygiene philosophy stresses the idea that people ought to be happy, that unhappiness is a symptom of maladjustment. Such a value system might be responsible for the fact that the burden of unavoidable unhappiness is increased by unhappiness about being unhappy.
— Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

You’re too good for this world, and because of that the world will eventually crush you.
— Paul Auster

What is to give light must endure burning.
— Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search For Meaning

Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.
— David Augsburger

It was a strange winter and nothing and everything happened.
— Gertrude Stein

Do not look for happiness outside yourself. The awakened seek happiness inside.
— Peter Deunov

If you love a flower, don’t pick it up.
Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be.
Love is not about possession.
Love is about appreciation.
— Osho

Through our willingness to help others we can learn to be happy rather than depressed.
— Gerald Jampolsky

The further inside you hide the hurt, the more it hurts inside. All wounds need air to heal.
— Iain Thomas

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
— Thomas A. Edison

Quotes 8

Any person capable of angering you becomes your master;
he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.
— Epictetus

Speak in extremes, it’ll save you time.
— David Bowie

He who despairs is wrong.
— Victor Hugo

Thinking of the key, each confirms a prison.
— T.S. Eliot

And all I loved, I loved alone.
— Edgar Allan Poe

Let this be your honour: always to love more than you are loved and never to be second in this.
— Friedrich Nietzsche

How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side if I am to be whole.
— C.G. Jung

I remained too much inside my head and ended up losing my mind.
— Edgar Allan Poe

You have two choices. you can keep running and hiding and blaming the world for your problems, or you can stand up for yourself and decide to be somebody important.
— Sidney Sheldon

This was what he was born for. This was what made sense. The only thing.
— T.C. Boyle

Don’t be intimidated by other people’s opinions. Only mediocrity is sure of itself, so take risks and do what you really want to do.
— Paulo Coelho

Time only moves in one direction. Remember that. Things always change.
— Mohsin Hamid

Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it.

People need to be made more aware of the need to work at learning how to live because life is so quick and sometimes it goes away too quickly.
— Andy Warhol

The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.
— John Green

I think it’s foolish for people to want to be happy. Happy is so momentary—you’re happy for an instant and then you start thinking again. Interest is the most important thing in life. Happiness is temporary, but interest is continuous.
— Georgia O’Keeffe

Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.
— Brandon Sanderson

The more uncertainty, the more pain.
— Fyodor Dostoevsky, Notes from Underground

It’s about the quality of the worry…I have happier worries now than I used to.
— David Gilmour

If you brought nothing but dishonesty and stress to my life then your absence is welcomed. Move on, no one misses you.

The opinion which other people have of you is their problem, not yours.
— Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
— Andy Warhol

Reality is ugly,
but life is beautiful.
— Epik High, “Life is Good”

Be proud of every scar on your heart, each one holds a lifetime’s worth of lessons.
— Wallace Stegner

I know you’re tired, I know you’re a little self conscious but take a deep breath, close your eyes and know that you’re going to kill it.
— Evan Taubenfeld

Have you ever sensed that our soul is immortal and never dies?
— Plato